If you would have told me two years ago that one day in my not so distant future I would feel an incredible propensity to throw myself to the ground crying, kicking and screaming, I would have thought you were nuts.

Some days I feel that urge no less than 20 times. It’s surprisingly easy to imagine, and physically hurts a lot less this way…says a friend. Anyway. I can see myself in my mind’s eye having a full on, snot dripping from the nose, feet flailing to and fro, head thrashing, fists beating the floor melt down. One that would rival Ozzy Osbourne in his serious head-banging days. There is something in that physical response that causes an emotional release–I really think the metal heads might be on to something.

I have learned one major thing from this reality of mine:

We are all just one really bad day or moment away from becoming the craziest, worst,  most immature version of ourself. A person whom you never thought you could possibly become.

ZING! There you are: raw, tender, and flailing. Without warning, signs, or symbols, I can suddenly became a grown toddler-lady.

As it would be on any journey, a hard turn, a “one-eighty”, is gonna shake things loose, dust is gonna kick up, it’s gonna be a bit bumpy, uncertain, and scary–certainly not clean. I used to have a lot of shame associated with this kind of frustration and anger.  But, dammit, Zack’s life is worth throwing at least one good fit over.  So is mine- and Charley’s to boot.

I may have already reached my quota.

Nevertheless, onward ho.

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2 thoughts on “Tantrums

  1. “We are all just one really bad day or moment away from becoming the craziest, worst, most immature version of ourself. A person whom you never thought you could possibly become.”

    Those two sentences. They are why your compassion, sensitivity, and kindness shine so brilliantly in an environment far too often just doesn’t get it. Thank you.

    1. Yes. They call this the “school of hard knocks”, I’ve yet to graduate. I consistently learn more about how what I think I know is wrong. Everyday, by the grace of God, I am able to continue forward. Thank you, friend.The encouragement and prayers from folks like you is what helps keep up going.

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